Managing behaviors: start with understanding communication

In a very great number of conversations with families the issue of behaviors (or lack of) comes up when we speak about their autistic child. What I’m speaking about here is the behaviors that crop up in social situations like going shopping or eating out. The kind of thing that really makes us know that our child is different.

So whats going on? Why the tantrums? Is it just part of this crazy thing they call autism, something that must be endured? My experience in a great many situations says no, if you understand what is going on and where the behaviors are coming from.

In a great many cases, the tantrums arise from either sensory needs or communication deficits. I will cover the sensory needs side in another post and focus on communication here. To illustrate, Val was sitting in a coffee shop inside Barnes and Noble enjoying a quiet few moments with her tea. As she sat back and looked out the window she could hear a mom fielding some pretty heavy artillery coming from her daughter who looked about 5 or 6 while her slightly older brother looked on.

But mommy, I just want this one thing, she wailed. “Its from Star wars and I really like it. Please don’t say I can’t have it, I really, really, want it. As time drew on, the tears started to appear with some defiance. And mom, clearly a seasoned campaigner with this sort of thing, started to engage. Well she said, “I might get it for you but what I pay for it will have to come out of your weekly allowance. So you are making a choice here. And you will have to share this with your brother because if you get this he should be allowed to play with it too”.

So mom batted the ball back and forth with her daughter about her allowance and her brother. The whole conversation continued on for the best part of twenty minutes. And guess what the little girl decided in the end? Yep, you got it, she decided she didn’t want the toy after all!

Now lets imagine the same situation where the little girl could not communicate. Is it such a stretch to think of her tantruming on the floor and waking up the dead? A dear friend and leading behaviorist, Dr Carl Schrader of BCRC once said to me: try going one full day without speaking to anyone and see if you can do it. Nobody I know has succeeded. So for a great many children labelled as autistic, the predominant issue is the inability to communicate which leads to a raft of behaviors that on the surface just seem to be part of this confusing diagnosis we call Autism.

I discovered this myself through Conor and Eoin. Once we solved the communication issues the behaviors largely melted away. And those behaviors were nothing short of legendary. With language we were able to negotiate, reason, divert, defuse. And most of all, be able to predict and plan how to successfully navigate a trip to a store like Barnes and Noble.